Spiraling

Fall is here! There's that crisp little bite to the air in the mornings and evenings (while our mid-days are still hovering in the 70s-80s...). I still don't feel like the parent of a 1st grader. Daniel seems to be adapting fairly well to school, although I've gotten comments about how it seems to be a really long day. (Kindergarten was half-day.) We're still doing karate and considering Cub Scouts. And I'm finally getting to do a playgroup that is devoted to Ethan and not just a tagalong with his older brother event. In many ways we're rocking this new schedule. And yet...

What do you all do for, well... you? Don't get me wrong, I love my family dearly and wouldn't change a thing. H works his ass off so that I can be home with the kids. Between his work schedule and my spinning top household/kids schedule it often feels like we simply wave at each other before falling into bed at night. I'm wishing we could get to a movie or something that doesn't involve, say The Smurfs. And I find myself pondering the me that isn't attached to the labels we all have: daughter, sister, wife, mother... What fills you up, sparkles your rainbow, puts a Cheshire Cat grin on your face? I'm struggling to reconnect with that core of me a bit more of late. Lately it's involved some clandestine reading of my favorite fantasy authors, while swigging frozen lemonade. What do you do?

And could someone please come over and figure out where the clicker to my DVD player went when it vanished? Not sure if it's where the stray socks go, but it's been missing forever...

Daze

So Daniel's kindergarten adventure ended with one of those fun school programs. You know the kind - they're equal parts being proud of your kid showing off what he's learned, signing songs and so forth and equal parts getting hysterical over the antics of umpteen 5 and 6 year-olds packed into risers and hamming it up. Our local high school even taped the production and so Grandma and Grandpa got a chance to see it via DVD.

For a relatively unscheduled summer, we've somehow gotten awfully busy. Immediately following the kindergarten graduation, we set out for Gettysburg. It was a trip we had planned for earlier in the year, except that H's back had gone out on him and we weren't able to travel in early May. If you're at all into history and the Civil War, Gettysburg is a fascinating town with loads of stuff to see and do. Just for fun, we stepped into one of those photography studios and got an "old time" photograph of our family.

A trip to Grandma and Grandpa's place in Wisconsin almost didn't happen after Daniel came down with a stomach bug right beforehand. Last thing we would need was 2 days driving with barfy kids (or adults). In the end, we crossed our fingers and set out. Ethan was feverish for the 4th of July (an old-time, small-town parade - great fun!). A relaxing and fun time was had by all, until Grandma fell ill with the bug right before our departure. Thank goodness we all have stayed well since.

In the meantime my baby turned 1 this month! My big boy will turn 6 in August, and (pinch me!) will be starting 1st Grade in the Fall. I am hunkering down to sleep train the little man, and hope to come out of Zombie, No Sleep Land before school starts. Off to bed!

Mobile Me, Mobile You

So the little guy is just so, so close to being able to get around to everything on his own. He figured out early on that rolling was a pretty handy way to get from here to there, and I could put him down in the living room and find him steadily making his way to the kitchen (front, back, front, back). Now he can sit, and has a pretty steady push-up going with his arms. He can even do a bit of that modified sort of army, belly crawl using his arms... His little bottom will occasionally scooch in the air, but the front and back ends aren't quite coordinated together yet for actual crawling. I think I need to start baby-proofing soon. As we all know, a 5-year-old's toys usually come with itty-bitty parts (thank you Star Wars figures!).

While Ethan is learning how to be mobile, H suddenly isn't. He threw out his back earlier this week. There was a point where I was debating the need for an ambulance to get him out of the house as he was having trouble getting up from the floor. Prescription painkillers and muscle relaxers later, and he is ouching his way around the house. Not better, but somewhat bearable.

I need to be seen for possible hip bursitis, as my hip pain that started during pregnancy has never exactly left me. So, while us old-timers envy the baby his elastic little body that lets him roll in a ball and nibble on his own toes - Spring may have finally sprung. The trees are painted a delicate green. The farm stands are open. I'm looking forward to being out in it.

Sheesh!

So we had been in the midst of a lovely visit from The Grandparents. On the way back from an excursion to The Butterfly Place I heard those dreaded words: Mommy, my tummy hurts. Now Daniel has been known to get the random cold or fourteen, so hearing this usually means one of two things. My picky eater hasn't eaten enough today, or he has to go to the bathroom.

Usually.

You probably guessed it. The stomach bug. When Grandma and Grandpa flew some 1200 miles for a visit. Luckily five-year-olds bounce pretty quickly, and about a day and a half later he was recovered. Didn't even miss school. And than H got it. And then I got it. The only one not to get it (thank goodness) was Ethan who of course was teething at the time.

I know it's inevitable, especially when you have children. They get sick, you get sick... but man. I have not figured out how to be both Mom and the patient at the same time. Especially at this point - breastfeeding and a stomach virus do not mix well. And I've been playing catch up (at least it feels that way) ever since. Behind on pretty much everything I can point a finger at. But - Hi Everyone! Back on the blog! Hopefully to write much more frequently!

Slippage

Okay, where did October go? Some days I'm a rockstar Mama and I feel as though I've got this two-kid thing down. And then other days it's just not working and I'm looking for a do-over.

Remember when you were little and summer seemed to last forever? Days of racing out the back door to go ride bikes through the neighborhood, or go swim in the lake. Freeze tag and cookouts, and one lazy afternoon a friend and I read books in the crook of a couple of tree branches with the breeze filtering through the leaves and our hair. The arrival of Fall and school was always a little bit of a surprise.

Now, I blinked, and suddenly H and I were celebrating our 10th Anniversary at the end of last month. I blinked and here I am, Mom of two blond, blue-eyed boys. One is a 5 year old and the other is a 4 month old cherub - who fill my life with more energy and mischief than I would have thought possible. I guess I'm keenly feeling the passage of time, of late. This was probably helped along by the discovery of some video of Daniel at the approximate age Ethan is now. All adorable, all good stuff... concrete evidence of the march of time. It leaves me a bit tender, and so as I struggle with the time to sit and write at my blog I also fumble for the words.

Just a Jab

How do you help your little ones handle shots? We had Daniel's 5 year appointment yesterday and I spent the whole time fielding the question over and over: Is this just a checkup, or am I going to get a shot? This was compounded by the fact that his pediatrician was running late and the poor kid was sitting in the exam room, on the table in his underwear.

I didn't know whether we were caught up on shots or not, and we certainly have the flu shot coming up... so the best I could do was to say I don't know. Lying would have been comforting in the moment, but would have caught up with me in the end. I tried several other tactics, such as shots are meant to keep us healthy... it's really quick, and it's done... and the capper: Poor Ethan will have to get a lot of shots coming up, you're just getting one.

No shots yesterday, although Daniel now knows that the flu shot is coming. I'm hoping it will be alleviated by the fact that Mommy has to get one too. Daniel is voting that I should go first.

Tag Team Parenting

Long before Ethan arrived, I sort of wondered how it would go this going from one to two kids. It's felt a little odd. I mean, I've been blessed to be able to stay home with my children and for so long my focus has just been Daniel. Suddenly I'm back to the beginning with diapers and feedings and that special kind of attentiveness that comes from a little one needing you so much.

At five years old, Daniel is Mr. Independent and I can ask him to help me, or do things for himself like getting dressed. And that's a definite relief. Yet by the end of the day I'm so very grateful for H's arrival home from work. He can wrangle the five year old, and help him burn off some of that boy-energy while I take care of the little one. A side effect of this tag team method, however is that H complains that he needs more time with Ethan, while I often feel like I am neglecting Daniel. Still working to find that balance, I guess.

A Wild Ride

Well.

That didn't go how I imagined.

On Tuesday, July 13th we welcomed Ethan - the newest member of our little family. I also joined the ranks of those somewhat disappointed in their birth experience, but not for the reasons you might think.

Around 5pm I was lying down, #1 Son and I watching some cartoons together when I felt a distinct "pop." Checking out the situation, I couldn't decide that my water had broken or contractions had begun. I mean I had one or two, but that was not unusual at the 38-weeks stage of the game. Still puzzling, I called the hospital. Unfortunately for me - I got the OB on call rather than any of my doctors. Oh no, she insisted. You'd be leaking fluid or having timable contractions. Call if you have that. This is despite my relaying yet again that labor with my last child never had timable contractions to start. Waited awhile, H came home. Still didn't feel right, so we made the decision to have Daniel spend the night at his cousin's house for a sleepover. If it was nothing, so be it. But if we had to head to the hospital, then he was taken care of. H drove Daniel several towns over.

In the time it took him to make this trip, and start the return I was suddenly having knock you off your feet contractions extremely close together. All I could think was - even if H makes it back, how am I getting to the hospital like this???

I called 911. Embarrassingly, this of course means that the whole circus shows up: fire department, police and the EMTs. They loaded me up in the ambulance, just as H finally made it through traffic back to our place. We all took off for the hospital. The EMTs were asking me questions, while sticking an IV in my arm, and can I just say that their gurneys seem frighteningly small to a whale of a pregnant woman who is flailing around trying to get a handle on her pain? I kept grabbing for something to hold onto, and hitting the button that collapses the back of the gurney. At some point the guy in the back with me yelled, Hey! Pull over and come help me, we're having a baby! Now I am not a yeller, but my high-volume response was: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! Pushing on that tiny gurney was going nowhere, so we continued to the hospital.

We came bombing into labor and delivery, and the only thought pitter-pattering through my tiny brain at that point was: Oh thank god, now they can give me something. I've had my eyes screwed shut the entire time, panting (nearly hyperventilating) against the pain. And then I hear from the nurse: Honey, you're fully dilated. It's time to push.

Nonononono. NO! This is the hospital! This is supposed to be where I get the drugs! After what seemed like an unimaginable amount of time, cajoling from the nurses, and a bit of what felt like browbeating from the doctor - who was most decidedly not my favorite person at this point - baby Ethan was born. It was only later that I cobbled together from bits of paperwork the information that they admitted me at 10:17pm and Ethan was born at 10:40pm. That's a grand total of 23 minutes in Labor & Delivery folks!

Eeks. Apparently I go from 0 to 60 in no time when it comes to having children. Daniel was around a 12 hour labor, and that makes Ethan around 5 or 6 hours. The important thing is we're all home, happy and healthy. I'm breastfeeding and short on sleep, but that's the way these early stages go. And IF there are any more children in my future? I think I'm announcing my pregnancy, and scheduling my C-section all at the same time.

Mostly Ghostly

I feel like I am haunting my own house these days. We've hit the 36th week mark for this pregnancy, and I lost my ability to sleep through the night quite some time ago. If it's not getting up to pee, it's due to the hip pain or just the uncomfortably huge belly that I'm trying to maneuver and carry around.

Restless nights, awake, asleep, awake at all hours and days spent trying to keep ahead of a four year old as well as get something done around this place. Riding in or driving a car is an adventure in fidgeting as I try to get comfortable. And this whole thing is fast becoming an exercise in frustration as I want to spend time with the people I care about, friends and family, and get prepared for this new little addition to our family. And all my body wants to do is have me flop on my side on a bed or a couch (at least until the hip pain kicks in again).

On the flip side, the last ultrasound showed everything is going wonderfully. Our little man is 6 pounds 9 ounces, and head down rather than trying to poke out my ribs as much. I'm trying to ride this out, knowing that this is all good in the end, and that the end (July 24th) is in sight. Updates here have been farther between as I don't like to hear myself complain, and wind up feeling like you'd like to hear about something else as well. Hope to be - no, know I will be in a better swing of things soon as we head into an exciting new chapter for our family.

Ready or Not?

Everybody in the pool!

My emotions are on a wild pendulum swing over here these days. I don't want to wish this time away, yet I'm ready for this little man to get out. I haven't slept through the night in months, whether due to trying to find a comfortable position for the belly or dealing with the aching hips. Some days there is so much abdominal pressure that all I feel like doing is flopping on my side on a couch or a bed to try and get some relief. This leaves me guiltily looking around for something for my four year old to do. Thank goodness we still have preschool for a week more! And I have been blessed with some Mommy friends who have willingly taken Daniel on his own for some playdates, giving me some R&R time.

Maybe what's contributing is the fact that the doctor appointments have been stepped up, as well as dropping into the hospital for some monitoring/non stress tests (mostly due to my being considered - ahem - an older mother). Every one is very nice, but you're there hanging out in those rooms where eventually you're going to deliver. I'm watching my little guy play hockey with the monitors strapped to my belly. And there are those hospital blanket covered baby warmers and bassinets. My mind wanders one second from: Is this really going to take until July? I'm just so tired. Let's get a move on, and then at least I get to put this kid down from time to time. To - holy crap, I am so not ready for this! Nothing is ready yet, other than some baby clothes that have been washed. I won't be able to take this kid home because the car seat isn't in, and where will he sleep? And - two kids?? I am so not ready for this!

I'm trying to be tender with myself and just take it moment by moment. Daniel has actually had a very sweet attitude about the whole thing. He talks about getting a baby brother, and how he's going to be gentle with him and help out. In the meantime we have a week left of preschool. We discovered that the town splash pad opened a few days ago, and he and some friends had a blast running through the spray on a hot day. TBall is ending, but I might sign him up for a summer program or two that will keep him busy with a couple of his friends. Some of my Mommy friends have already offered to take him to these programs along with their kids. And I'm trying to remind myself to Take the help. Mommy-does-it-all has to step back a little, allow her friends to help... there are already one or two who are due some big thank yous... and ease up on herself.

Suiting Up!

This second pregnancy has steamrollered me more than I like to admit. Anyone have any advice for conquering the joint/hip middle-of-the-night pain? The lack of sleep is getting tedious. (I know, I'm only in for loads more of it once the little guy arrives! But I'd at least like to be caught up a bit before that happens!) And every time I sit down to write, the current complaints come out - and I realize how very much I don't want to write about them... onward!

We joined TBall this season, and boy is it a hoot! At this age they don't keep score, and just have the kids bat through the lineup. Good thing it's only three innings or us parents would be there awhile. But to see the little ones figuring out batting, when to run (or not!) catching the ball, trying different positions has been great fun. One inning, I heard the coaches hollering Daniel's name and I turned around to find him looking like this attached photo!

Now if I could only find some Mommy protective gear to get me through the next few preggo months...

Unfortunately it ain't just the ice cream

Don't get me wrong - I am super-excited to meet our new little guy! But at just over halfway there (23 weeks), my reactions swing wildly from Wow, where did the time go? one minute to Holy Sh*t, where did the time go? the next. I think it is most often correlated to the physicality of a moment. I'm five years older than the last time I did this preggo thing, and the bod is complaining! I'm also chasing the four year old, who is really a pretty good kid. It's just that his normal energy level could drain me when I wasn't pregnant, let alone now... thank goodness for the Mommy-break of preschool. Mix in a liberal dose of recent spousal stress, and whew! Lately I'm - not sure if a mess is the right word. I'll settle for stressed. And this conjures up worries for when I will need to do more than just carry kid #2 around. I've developed a healthy respect in recent years for my friend Kim - who does it all, with 5 children. I hope I'm as good a Mommy with two.

And on that note, I'm off to search out some ice cream, some chocolate, something...

Next Stop - The Baby Zone

We waited awhile to start really talking to Daniel about this whole new baby business. I mean, if I mention that a friend of his is having a birthday party next week he's ready to put on his shoes and go now.

But now after all kinds of good doctor visits, and being able to confirm that it is going to be a baby brother the discussions have begun in earnest. His reactions, and those of some of his friends have been priceless.

We attended a new playgroup yesterday with one of his best friends. At one point, Marisa whispered to her Mom who indicated that she should ask me. She shyly looked up and asked: "How is the baby doing? Does he kick you alot?" Apparently she had also asked her mother if I was bringing the baby to playgroup that day!

I had made plans to visit my doctor once again that same day because of the increasing sinus infection I was dealing with... When he discovered we were headed to the doctor, Daniel asked if they were going to take the baby out. I had to explain to both that he's small yet, and won't be arriving until it's warm and practically their birthdays!

I've been wondering how news of the impending arrival would sit with Daniel, as he's been Mr.-One-And-Only for going on five years now. My mother once said that I was fine with the arrival of my little brother. Until he got mobile. And could get into my stuff. It's a process, right?

And then there were four....

We're thrilled to announce an addition to the Dirt Makes Fat household: Daniel will be getting a new baby brother this coming July! I've been lucky, in that my main symptom has been fatigue. Man, am I tired. By the end of the day it is a struggle to keep my eyes open. And if I sit down to watch a TV show, forget it. I've started advising H to put a tape in for most everything, because I invariably fall asleep and miss the end!

Unfortunately February has been the month of illnesses, beginning with a tummy bug for the whole family and progressing to a wicked, wicked cold for all. Mine seems to be morphing into a sinus infection of some sort so it isn't done with me yet. I'm short on sleep and long on germs, and every time I have considered sitting down to write at this blog I've had a list of complaints that bored me to no end. I've decided to share my news in an effort to push on into the fun and exciting stuff in store as we head into March and beyond.

Mom to two boys. Who would've thought?? What an adventure!

Sleepytime

Over Daniel's increasingly busy four years we have run the spectrum of sleep issues. There was the waking every two hours early on, the sleep all day/play all night phase, and the I'll only sleep in the swing/bouncy chair/with you stages. After many tears on all our parts, we got him into his own bed and his own room, although the need to have "company" as he falls asleep has been a struggle.

Recently we have been getting more night-time visits from the little guy. In many ways, I don't mind too much. He's not crying, or being loud and obnoxious. I'm just suddenly aware of a little presence next to the bed. If I say softly: Do you want to come in? He doesn't do more than nod his head and clutch his blankie tighter. I flip back the covers and let him crawl between H and me, and all three of us drift off to sleep pretty quickly.

I'm torn, as I know that most recommendations are to take him by the hand and lead him back to bed. At three am, though, a peaceful family snooze holds lots of appeal. Early on, I read lots of baby books on sleep, and I have to say that after awhile I tossed them. They didn't serve a lot of purpose other than to make me as a new Mom feel horrible about everything I had done wrong since Day 1. And I remember blessing the Pedi who once told me: Sometimes you just do what you have to do, so that everyone can get some sleep.

If I ask Daniel why he comes to visit us, the usual response is: I was cold. My restless sleeper, he gets rid of any covers pretty quickly and doesn't really think to cover up again. That same restlessness means that I wake up with blond hairs tickling my ear, and H has Daniel's feet firmly planted in his kidneys come morning. Yet I am reluctant to give up a little cozy family time while I can get it.

Did you have sleep issues with your kids? How did you wind up handling them?

Aaand - I've just had nothin'

It's been a combination of things really. There's some stuff that I'm not prepared to talk about in this space yet. Couple that with several rounds of getting sick: the attack of the cough that keeps me from getting any sleep, and a stomach virus that swept through the family - and I've been very blog-neglectful lately.

There's a general winter funk that usually sets in around this time too. The holidays are over, and I just get caught up in dealing with a high-energy four year old who can't get outside as much as he would like and - enough with the cold already!

It's time to snap out of it.

I'm relishing the little things like warm cinnamon rolls on a Sunday morning, and Daniel's excitement over a new dinosaur video from the library. What are the little things that break you out - or even just warm and sustain you through these winter months?

Lickety Split

We've been enjoying a break, visiting my family in Elkhart Lake, Wisconsin. Basking in family time with Daniel's Grandparents, and Uncle Andy and assorted aunts, uncles and cousins. Good food, beautiful area, loads of activities... fireworks, a Fourth of July parade, trips to the park and the beach. And bedtime seems to have gone by the wayside. Our return to a regular home routine may be interesting in the days to come. But it sure has been fun!
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I was fussing over something or other during my trip - can't even remember what it was at this point, just that something didn't look right. My Mother said that her quilt group in Elkhart Lake has what they call the Galloping Horse Rule. Can whatever you think is wrong - in their instance some bit of work on a current quilt - be seen from a galloping horse? If not, move along...

I think I like it. I may start adapting this to other areas of my life.

Eagle Eye

The kid notices everything.

A few weeks ago we were out to dinner with some friends. We'd been seated sort of in the "pub" area, which was fine as smoking vs. non is no longer a consideration on these outings. Daniel started loudly voicing that he wanted to see Scooby-Doo. Glancing around the room, I realized that every other table or so came equipped with small screen TVs. (I suspect for Keno, but they played shows too...). We were under a large-screen TV that was blasting sports or news or somesuch... and across the room was a young family with Scooby on for their kids.

Today, H gave me the Mother's Day gift of time. He whisked Daniel away on a boys-only outing for a few hours, leaving me to do whatever I wished around the house. When they returned, H reported that Daniel, while driving through a town he had never been in before, piped up with: I think you work there.

When H turned his head, he realized that the building said: US Post Office. I can only guess that he must have spotted the emblem or something.

I'm going to scratch the kid's eyesight off my list of worries, that's for sure!

The Stones Strike Back

Where I've been. Let's see.

There was that little matter two years ago of finding out that my year and a half of intestinal distress was being caused by gallstones. I had them take that gallbladder out, surgery, recovery, and things have been trucking along mostly fine.

Flash forward two years and minor pain last Saturday plus major pain last Sunday equals one trip to the emergency room.

Did you know that you can have stones stuck in a duct, even minus your gallbladder? Yup, new one for me too.

There were tests, calls to the GI (No, your symptoms aren't consistent with a stone...) only to have a CAT Scan say that yup, indeedy I was carrying around a boulder and my body had had enough. The endoscopic procedure uncovered a stone large enough that the doctor was very surprised that I had had no trouble before now. They pretty much had to crush it up, and put in a stent to help keep everything cleaned out and moving.

I didn't get to eat or drink until Tuesday. Can I just say that you never see more food commercials on TV than when you can't have anything yourself?

I'm on the mend, and getting back into the swing of things. I'm due back in a few weeks to have the stent taken out, and hopefully that will be the end of my intestinal saga.

Just to make sure the weekend was very interesting, we got the phone call while I was in the hospital that my nephew was in a very serious car accident on Sunday, the same day that I was admitted. Please join us in prayers for his speedy and complete recovery.

Vortex

We can't seem to get away from the "sicknesses" at the moment. First it was the stomach bug that swept through the household. Now the 3.5 year old has a stuffy/runny nose with the associated horrid cough that is keeping him up nights. He's annoying the heck out of himself (and anyone within a decent radius) with the midnight coughing and periodic rising to bleat like a distressed baby goat every few hours. I feel badly that he's sick, and feeling miserable and all, but the lack of sleep is starting to take a toll. The only solution thus far has been a dose of Tylenol, and my crashing with him on the couch. Virtually guaranteeing that I'm next on the list for the runny nose/cough convention.

And in probably unrelated news. I cannot figure out how the remote control to our VCR has disappeared for MONTHS. We live in a condo. How many places could it be?? And I am now missing a library book. Not a skinny children's book, which always seems to slide under the sofa with amazing speed. This is one of mine, in the hundreds of pages. I just renewed it, so I've got two weeks to find and read the darn thing.