Ready or Not?

Everybody in the pool!

My emotions are on a wild pendulum swing over here these days. I don't want to wish this time away, yet I'm ready for this little man to get out. I haven't slept through the night in months, whether due to trying to find a comfortable position for the belly or dealing with the aching hips. Some days there is so much abdominal pressure that all I feel like doing is flopping on my side on a couch or a bed to try and get some relief. This leaves me guiltily looking around for something for my four year old to do. Thank goodness we still have preschool for a week more! And I have been blessed with some Mommy friends who have willingly taken Daniel on his own for some playdates, giving me some R&R time.

Maybe what's contributing is the fact that the doctor appointments have been stepped up, as well as dropping into the hospital for some monitoring/non stress tests (mostly due to my being considered - ahem - an older mother). Every one is very nice, but you're there hanging out in those rooms where eventually you're going to deliver. I'm watching my little guy play hockey with the monitors strapped to my belly. And there are those hospital blanket covered baby warmers and bassinets. My mind wanders one second from: Is this really going to take until July? I'm just so tired. Let's get a move on, and then at least I get to put this kid down from time to time. To - holy crap, I am so not ready for this! Nothing is ready yet, other than some baby clothes that have been washed. I won't be able to take this kid home because the car seat isn't in, and where will he sleep? And - two kids?? I am so not ready for this!

I'm trying to be tender with myself and just take it moment by moment. Daniel has actually had a very sweet attitude about the whole thing. He talks about getting a baby brother, and how he's going to be gentle with him and help out. In the meantime we have a week left of preschool. We discovered that the town splash pad opened a few days ago, and he and some friends had a blast running through the spray on a hot day. TBall is ending, but I might sign him up for a summer program or two that will keep him busy with a couple of his friends. Some of my Mommy friends have already offered to take him to these programs along with their kids. And I'm trying to remind myself to Take the help. Mommy-does-it-all has to step back a little, allow her friends to help... there are already one or two who are due some big thank yous... and ease up on herself.

The Complaint Closet

If I'd known that a whole lotta my maternity clothes wouldn't fit me anyway the second time around, I might not have held onto so much. My top half is covered pretty well, but I have yet to find bottoms of any kind that aren't annoying the heck out of me (binding, sagging, just not fitting or uncomfortable in general...). Since the weather has flipped from pretty nice to 40s and wet, I'm lucky I'm able to leave the house.

On the plus side, I'm counting my blessings that H made it out of Scotland before the Iceland volcano went kablooey. What a mess. I feel for those poor travelers, and I'd really be outta my mind if H were still stuck overseas.

I did find some only mildly uncomfortable maternity pants to wear, and got out of the house with some of my local Mom friends last night. Unknown to me and to Melissa, another preggo Mom due around the same time, the ladies had conspired to make this our "baby shower." They wouldn't let us pay for dinner, and we each got a Target gift card to look out for some baby things... Yummy appetizers and dinner, lots of laughs and conversation - I have the best friends.

Bits O' Grace

1. Fall days that reach 67 degrees!
2. Mommy friends from my now, sadly, defunct Family Network. You ladies save my sanity...
3. Zumba! So refreshing to get moving...
4. Early morning snuggles with the four year old.
5. Testing myself on Cash Cab trivia.

Grace-Full

1. Pumpkin Whoopie Pies!
2. Snuggling into Daniel when he came to our room and climbed into bed in the early am.
3. The bluest sky.
4. The crunch of leaves underfoot on a crisp day.
5. Tex-Mex shepherd's pie followed by a chaser of limeade.

November seems like the perfect month to revisit Grace-full Mondays, inspired by 365 Days of Grace.

Thankful Thursday

Part of living in so many places means that I have friends spread out all over the country, as well as overseas. Kim and I met in fourth grade - Mrs. Lindburgh's class, if I'm not mistaken. We went all through school together, mooning over 80s bands and listening to Duran Duran LPs in the sunroom of my house. Kim snuck me into basketball games with the band, and I dragged her into working on drama productions like Hello Dolly.

Even as I've bounced from Michigan to France to California to Massachusetts, Kim and I have kept up. Visits, phone calls, email... through six kids (yep, five of those are hers!) and countless ups and downs of life we've kept up with each other. She stood up in my wedding, and when I was trying to sleep train Daniel she was the one I called sobbing: I can't do this.

I haven't seen my friend in person in eight years. Ever have a friend that no matter how long it's been, the years just melt whenever you reach out to each other? Like you'd never been apart? Kim is one of those friends for me.

She emailed this week asking for prayers for her family. Her husband has been quite unexpectedly laid off. They have options, and they're doing OK. She is one of the most faith-full people I know. Friends are at the forefront of my thoughts of gratitude today, especially her.

refreshing

Grandma and Grandpa are still in town, but are winding up their visit. It's just after our 8th anniversary, and so H and I took advantage of the babysitting to use a positively ancient gift certificate that I had to a very nice restaurant.

I love my little guy more than anything, and of course he was a big topic of conversation. But it is such a gear switch to have a leisurely meal with attentive waiters. Conversation without having to ask the three year old to get back into his chair or to stop mashing his potatoes between his fingers. And to take a browse through the local Borders bookstore - not to buy anything, just to look - without the constant refrain of "Where's Daniel?" pitter-pattering through my brain.

Wasn't there an old slogan - The pause that refreshes - for Coca Cola or something?

Tonight was a refreshing Mommy and Daddy pause. Thanks Grandma and Grandpa!

Thankful Thursday

Even though we currently do not have any pets, I have found myself thinking of past furry friends today. My parents are in town from Wisconsin for a long-weekend visit. It's a happy time, touched by the sad news that their German Shorthaired Pointer Sophie passed away just yesterday, apparently in her sleep.

Sophie started life as a bit of a mischief hound. Tales of the pup who was eating all the Handi-wipes out of the kitchen, and running out with a knife clamped between her jaws started filtering back to me from my parents home in Iowa. She was boisterous and headstrong and excitable - and an adorable thing. She went off to doggie boot camp, learned her manners (mostly) and became a working hunting dog accompanying my father on many an outing.

She had slowed some in recent years, but was never happier than seeing Dad pull out his hunting gear and knowing an excursion was in store. Or getting to ride in the tiny back of Dad's "cool car" green MG with the top down. And as bullish as she could sometimes still be, Sophie was gentle as anything with Daniel. A favorite spot was parking under the kitchen table in hopes of any dropped cheerios.

Goodbye "Ga-Ga" from all of us.

So tonight I'm thankful for God's many creatures. If you have a furry friend in your life, give them an extra squeeze and a pat from me today.

Thankful Thursday

I am not a winter person. As a kid, I did and loved it all: ice skating, sledding, cross-country skiing... Now I can tolerate the snow up until Christmas. I loves me a White Christmas. After that, as far as I am concerned it can all go away. Not a cold-weather person, no-sirree!

I am thankful for the January thaw we've been experiencing here in New England. Isn't it amazing the shift in perspective? When it has been bitterly cold, and is suddenly in the 50s it's hard to resist running around in light jackets, coats unzipped, etc. In the summer, when we've all been melting, if the temperature suddenly hit where we've been lately I would be quaking and protesting: I'm cold! I wish there were an easy way to regulate one's internal thermostat. If anyone has a recommendation, please pass it along!

As Daniel still protests items like hats, boots, mittens - it has been a welcome respite there as well. I'm also enjoying the sunshine tremendously. We've been known to get whomped with snow as late as April, so I'm determined to get it while it lasts!

Happy New Year!

"I discovered I always have choices, and sometimes it’s only a choice of attitude."
— Judith M. Knowlton, U.S. author

I have never been much of a person for New Year's Resolutions. Items would tend to be too vague, and thus too hard to follow... or so specific and binding that I would beat myself up as soon as I "broke" them. Pondering this, I decided that if I could work on one thing this year, I would like for it to be cultivating and appreciating and living the attitude of gratitude in my life.

The "hows" of this are probably yet to come. But for a habitual worrier like myself, a shift in focus can shine a new glow on 2008. I have much to be grateful for... How about you? Come glow with me in the new year!