Hello, SuperNanny?

Just spent several days in meltdown-land with the four year old, and I'm really looking for a map or an arrow or a guide or a big freakin' neon sign or something to point me out of this minefield. We seem to have crossed more firmly into the realm of Daniel wanting to do everything himself. I love the independence he is showing, and I certainly do admire his persistence. If only I could do something about his frustration level.

It could be anything that sets it off. Getting his socks on, the building blocks that won't go together, wanting dessert when he hasn't eaten his meal yet (and of course being told no!). And woe betide me if I offer help, or even just directions. Trying to move things along by say, implying that if the socks and shoes are not on then you can't meet your friend Marisa at the library just transfers the storm. Instead of wailing about the socks I get wailing about NOOO! I WANT TO GOOOO!

Other responses run the gamut of ignoring him (made all the more difficult when the aforementioned wailing involves much clutching of Mommy's legs) to picking him up and removing him bodily from a situation. Or in the case of being at home, plunking him in his room and shutting the door for a time out.

Maybe it's a school adjustment? He's been a champ at preschool, and I've talked to some folks who have suggested that some kids expend so much energy being "on" and "good" at school that they do a bit of a fall-apart when they get home in a safe environment. I'm not sure yet. I just want to get back to some cheery interaction with my kid.

Bouncy Balls - Always trying to escape

We're in that stage of the "threes" where Daniel is arguing with me about everything. The food list is shrinking (Hello carbs!). He's too busy to use the potty, and no he really doesn't need a nap. The one plus to the recent ice storm and the current snowy weather is that he has finally stopped resisting the idea of long pants, long sleeves, coat and occasionally boots and a hat on his body.

No amount of coaxing, cajoling, redirecting (misdirecting) or smoke signals on my part seems to move us from an impasse on the other items however.

A recent tantrum on both our parts regarding the afternoon nap found me hoisting him under the arms, hauling him into his room and settling the two of us on the rocking chair in his room that has been sitting idle for awhile. I was a little amazed as the tension seeped away, and he laid his head on my shoulder and within ten minutes was asleep. We might have stayed longer, but my arms had started to ache holding up his 30+ pounds. I rolled him and his blankie onto the bed for his afternoon nap.

I resolve to make more space for "cuddle time" in 2009 and beyond.

Strength

I am a bit of a hovering Mom. Can't seem to help it really, it's a natural tendency that kicked into overdrive when I became one. I try to keep it tempered, but the stay-at-home gig means no daycare, and we haven't done preschool yet so the little guy and I are fairly constant companions. Thank goodness Daniel is pretty outgoing and more times than not will launch himself into whatever class we are doing, park we are visiting, etc. Just stand back and watch 'im go!

I've been spending some time the past few months helping the local family network arrange their annual family fun fair. The event was this past Saturday, and with H working it meant that Daniel spent the morning at his Gram's house sans Mom or Dad. Everything went beautifully, of course, both with the event and with Daniel. He played and played with Auntie, an Uncle, Gram, one of his cousins and was pretty much zonked on his feet from all the activity and no nap by the time I got there. High five for me!

We spent Monday with feet firmly planted in tantrum city. Hauling a shrieking, struggling 30+ pound 2.5 year old into a car and then up two flights of stairs to our condo was an interesting way to end my afternoon. All kinds of strength needed in being a Mom, eh?

Roller Coaster

I have been incommunicado for a bit, basking in some family love and vibes via a visit from Mom and Dad from Wisconsin. We've simply been spending time, having dinners, playing ball across the kitchen table and enjoying the time together. It's a little thrill for me that despite the gaps between visits, Daniel is screechingly overjoyed to see his Grandma and Grandpa. When I told him the night before that we were going to have to drive to the airport to pick them up, he said, "Sounds FUN!" And then asked, "Andy too?" So I know he thinks of his Uncle Andy as well.

I am OK with living as far apart as we do about 95% of the time. Departures are hard, but the zipping through the airport to drop them off left little time to feel down about it. I started catching up on some bloggy stuff yesterday afternoon to discover that I won a blog contest hosted by Elizabeth at Table for Five. That was a nice little surprise to start my week!

The intention was to hop over to a local church playgroup with Daniel this morning for a little R&R. We have been butting heads most of the morning. On every. Single. Thing. It's making me a bit crazy. When I can step back, I recognize that he is probably missing the Grandparents, and can't necessarily express it. And of course there is just that toddler/preschooler testing the limits phase. The trip to the grocery store got jettisoned for all the screaming on the outside landing. When he flung his coat off, and then flung himself to the ground as well it was two choices: coat on and store and be calm, or back inside for a nap. Back inside we went. It is hard when they can scream long enough and loud enough that they can reduce you to tears. I keep saying that this determination and focus will be great traits once he's 18 and headed off to college, but as a two year old he's really able to dance on Mama's last shreds of patience.

I have created a monster

... and he's pint-sized, with longish blond hair, adorable baby blues and he won't give up his sweats.

When he was even more pint-sized, all Daniel's pants came in those "break-aways" with the convenient snaps for undressing and diaper-changing. As he got bigger, and more mobile I discovered sweatpants. I mean, hey - they come in a rainbow of colors, so they go with just about everything! And they pop on and off in about two seconds when you have to tackle the kid and pin him to the floor to change any clothes.

Now if I try and put him in any "regular" clothes - jeans, cords - we are firmly in Tantrum City. Help!

On the other hand. It's possible I'm just a teensy bit jealous.

DefCon 1

Otherwise known as: Towering Temper Tantrums Batman! What happened to my sweet kid and how do I get him back/where's the reset button???

Actually I feel a little guilty typing this as he has been pretty calm today, and it has been a snow day to boot. In the past when there were squabbles about something-or-other it was always sort of: Ha, ha - how cute. How about this instead? And he would be distracted by whatever new thing you just handed him and move on.

In the past week this has turned into objections to many of the things he usually eats, emphatic objections to the new shoes Mama bought even though they are simply a larger version of a previous make/model, and a tantrum over the toy swap at our favorite playspace. The toy swap tantrum resulted in my dragging him back outside to scream rather than disrupting the playspace before he was allowed back in.

Oh, and one evening was spent coloring while screaming quite loudly: MY Cray-ons! Which I might have understood if I had been trying to do some dastardly deed like take them away. But I wasn't...

It was a little gratifying to hear from my friend Pamela that her youngest, roughly six months older than Daniel, has been doing the same thing... and that the oldest had a similar stage. I was starting to wonder if it was me!

Daniel's laser-focus on what he wants is a quality that I am going to think is pretty wonderful - when he's 18 and off to college.